Why Spending Too Much Time With Your SO Is Unhealthy.

Scenario: Man & Woman pre-dating

Man
Loves everything outdoors, especially rock-climbing
Loves having bro camping trips and nights out for drink specials
Enjoys going home to spend time with his younger siblings
Likes to spend his ‘me time’ fishing on the dock every Sunday

Woman
Loves Netflix and can binge watch the heck out of a series
Loves Pure Barre
Enjoys babysitting and being a devotion-group leader for young girls in her local community.
Likes to spend her ‘me time’ at the dog park with her pug, Ralph

These two met at drink specials one night and instantly hit it off. From this moment on they were inseparable. They did everything together.

Scenario: During the relationship

Man
Spends majority of his time indoors since his girlfriend thinks it’s “too hot” to go rock climbing.
Doesn’t go on bro camping trips anymore because his girlfriend thinks that bro trips only mean trouble.
Still goes home to visit with the fam, but his girlfriend is always with him..ruining quality bonding time.
No longer goes fishing every Sunday because he’s with his girlfriend

Woman
Still gets to Netflix shows, but because her and her boyfriend don’t agree on genres all the time, no longer gets to binge like loves.
Gave up Pure Barre because she would rather spend her money on presents for her boyfriend.
Because her and her boyfriend’s class/work schedule are conflicting, she gives up being a devotional leader so that she can make up for the time lost with her boyfriend while they were apart for 8-10 hours each day.
Still takes her dog to the dog park, but her boyfriend goes with her.

This type of scenario happens all the time. I couldn’t tell you the amount of relationships I’ve personally witnessed where people gave up something they loved for someone. You probably know of a relationship similar to that above as well, or maybe it’s your own.

While couples can be perfectly happy in these types of relationships, resentment will begin to occur eventually. This is where a relationship starts taking a tumble downhill.

The things you love doing are a part of you. You were happy before your relationship because you were fulfilling your interests. When you met your significant other, you thought it would add to your fulfillment, not diminish it. It takes a while to realize how relationships can take a toll on your life, and sometimes it’s too late to repair the damage. I’ve had friends completely drop me when they entered relationships, and when the relationship went down the toilet, they came crawling back. The only thing is, during those 8 months…my life changed.  I became a different person. (In case you didn’t know, you are constantly changing and that is okay.) I still loved her, but not in the same way. Our friendship never got back to where it was prior to her relationship.

You are your own unique person with your own unique interests. You need to continue pursuing your dreams/interests even if your significant other doesn’t have the same interests. The point of a relationship is not to give up the things you love and merge into one human-being. It’s to be two humans who gain even more fulfillment and happiness by being with each other.

‘me time’ is SO important. I cannot stress that enough. Even in marriages, having time to yourself can do a lot for your mental health. It is not vital to be with your significant other very chance you get. When you begin a relationship, make it a habit to continue doing the things you love. This will give your significant other the chance to continue doing the things he/she loves as well.

Spending time together is healthy. Y’all will gain interests that you enjoy doing together. But don’t forget to continue doing the things you loved before your relationship started.

My Skyla

So if you’re reading this you’re probably interested/curious about the Skyla IUD. I, like you, read many articles, reviews, and forums about Skyla. This made me so nervous about the insertion that I almost chickened out and called my doctor for birth control pills. However, I stopped reading the reviews and continued to remind myself that everyone’s body reacts differently to the various contraceptive methods. I was on Lo-Loestrin for 2 years and HATED it. It caused so many adverse side effects and my carb cravings were out of control. My doctor recommended Skyla to me because the hormones are released locally instead of having to travel through your blood stream, which means less hormonal side effects!! 

Insertion: August 17th, 2015

I had to pick up the two prescribed medications from the pharmacy this morning (misoprostol and 800mg Ibuprofen) that I had to take an hour before my procedure. The misoprostol made my light period very heavy, but it didn’t make me cramp like some people have described. This medication helps to soften your cervix to make insertion easier and less painful. 

I was so nervous when I walked into the doctors office, but the nurse was very sweet and comforting and told me that she was on her second Mirena and loved it. The doctor first explained what was going to happen and showed me the Skyla and how he would insert it. He also warned me that I would experience some mild to severe cramping. He was right. The first thing he did was insert a measuring device to make sure that Skyla would fit in my uterus properly. I had mild cramping, but it wasn’t bad. Then he very quickly inserted the Skyla. I’m not going to lie, it was very uncomfortable. I’m lucky enough to never have cramps on my period, so I’m not used to them, but these were pretty bad. If you’re used to cramps, it probably won’t be so painful because the cramps weren’t unbearable for me (the cramp-rookie). The entire procedure lasted about 2 minutes, and the second he took the insertion device out, the severe cramps were gone. 

It’s been 2 hours since insertion and I’m still having mild cramps, but nothing major. My doctor said I would probably bleed for the next week and then sporadically spot for the next month or two, but after that my body should become adjusted to it. A little spotting for 1-3 months for 3 years of worry-free birth control, I’ll take it! 

** I should also note that IUD’s should be 100% covered by your insurance provider. 

UPDATE: ONE WEEK SINCE INSERTION

So it has been a week, and so far so good. I have had occasional cramping for the past week as well as occasional spotting (mostly light at times heavy) so I just wear a panty liner daily. My only other side effect is that I bloat more easily, but I just take gas-x after a big meal and problem solved! I have had no other side effects to my knowledge which is great. 

I tried to feel my strings today, but was unsuccessful. They probably have curved around my cervix (like they are supposed to), but I’ll go and get it checked out in a few weeks to make sure everything is still okay! 

**I’ll update in a month for a more well-rounded review of Skyla! 

22 Things I’ve Learned In My 22 Years

These lists are all over the internet, but I am a total lists person and always love reading others, so here’s mine in no particular order:

1. Life is all about perspective. We all have ups and downs, but the way we view things is completely up to us. You can allow every bad situation to completely ruin your life for a few days, or you could take an hour to reflect on the situation (crying is okay), and then realize that your Life-GPS was just rerouting you.
2. Splurging on name brand items is okay in moderation. There are two major subsets of the population: name-brand-aholics and off-brand-aholics. In my tween/teen years, I wanted name-brand everything because of the status that came with it. To these beauties that I had to have in the 6th grade:to having to buy a North Face book bag for high school. Then once I got to college, I feel like people were more okay with off-brands because the #brokecollegekid struggles were so real. I felt bad for wanting name brand things, because I felt that people would criticize me for buying such expensive items at a wallet-sensitive time in my life. Just last month I bought new Lilly shorts that may have cost me an arm and a leg, but they made me happy. If you want a Coach purse, save up and go get it. You may have to eat ramen for three weeks to make up for it, but life is so short…if there’s something out there that you really want, buy it, just don’t make it a habit.
3. Heartbreaks are good because they lead you away from bad. I have had my fair share of break ups in my lifetime to terrible ass holes. For some reason women are naturally drawn to jerks and unloyal men. I’ve been heart broken by a cheater, a man who I thought I could “fix” from his anticommitment ways, and a guy who was afraid of the “L” word. I thought each of these were the love of my life, and now that I’m with Jon, I thank God for the heartaches they caused me. They each taught me something new about myself, and they each gave me new “red flags” to add to my list when I went back into the dating scene.
4. Relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be hard work. In past relationships, I was emotionally exhausted by the end of the day. Everyone always said that relationships take work, so I thought that my mental exhaustion was normal. I only realized differently when I started dating Jon. Our relationship is easy and it is easy to love him. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies for us, but for the most part, it is. I don’t find myself needing to vent to my friends about all the bad things, instead I end up telling them about all the good. Even for the past seven months of him being deployed, I haven’t found myself putting in over-time in the relationship department to make things work. We love each other, we are honest with each other, and we keep open communication. If your relationship is wearing you down day after day, it’s time to take a step back and think about if your relationship is good for you.
5. If you are able, travel before getting a full-time job. Studying abroad is one thing I deeply regret not doing. If I had been more serious about it, I could have done it. My parents would have financially backed me. The only part of the world I have seen outside of the U.S. is Canada, and that makes me so mad. Immersing yourself in a different culture, even if it’s only for a few days, can make a dramatic impact on your life. It can also build up your confidence by taking you out of your comfort zone. I have friends who by the age of 22 have already been to 3+ continents. They have friends all over, have more worldly experience, and I honestly think they each became more extroverted upon their return. Now I’m about to start my job and will be limited to a certain amount of vacation days, and it’s going to become harder to travel.
6. Watch political debates and stay up-to-date with current events. Sometimes us Gen-Y’s forget that pretty soon we will be leading America. Because of the social media explosion in the past decade, people have strayed away from real news, and have decided that “Does Kylie Jenner Really Have Lip Injections?” articles are more important than actual current events that could majorly effect our lives. I’m not saying that you need to stop reading trash news if you enjoy it, but try and make an effort to incorporate real news into your daily routine. Get to know the politicians running for presidency, especially during election years. You can just vote for who your parents vote for, OR you could read up on each candidate and decide for yourself who you agree with most. It’s okay to vote Republican if all of your friends are voting Democrat or vice versa. It’s your voice, use it.
7. Life is meant to be lived through your eyes, not your camera and Snapchat stories. I don’t know how many times I have seen a 300 second Snapchat story of a concert that one of my friend’s recently went to. Did you even WATCH the concert? Remember back in the day when you would go on vacation and do all sorts of cool things, and maybe come back with one picture? I bet you enjoyed your trips a whole lot more back before you were worried about getting the perfect picture with the perfect backdrop so you could post it on every social media platform to show how exciting your life is. I have been guilty of this in the past, but in the past year I realized I would much rather enjoy my trips than try and get the perfect shot. For those who want to know about my trip or cool life-experiences, I can tell them about it in person. You know, human-human interaction.
8. Changing life dreams is okay. I always wanted to be a doctor and save lives. I even wrote about it in my journal when I was 5. I had my life all planned out and when I entered college I didn’t even think twice about any other major. At the beginning of my second semester of my sophomore year, I had just finished taking a career development class and it left me totally confused. The professor made us complete a Values & Career Alignment worksheet, and my values just weren’t lining up with my career goals. I grew up in a very close-knit family, and one of my biggest life goals is to be a mom and raise a family. Years of extra schooling and a residency program would make me have to wait until I was older to start a family or be forced to put my hypothetical children in daycare for hours on end so that I could put becoming a doctor first. I was heart broken, but when I realized that family and relationships were more important to me than becoming a doctor, I did some reevaluating and chose a career path that could give me a better work-life balance.
9. Freshman 15 is real and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. I admit, there was a time freshman year where I would order TWO large fries with my nuggets at CFA. I knew about the “freshman 15” stigma, but thought because I walked across campus every day and was young, that the extra calories were okay. I’m pretty sure I gained 20 pounds my freshman year and 10 more pounds my sophomore year. Gaining weight is easy, losing it isn’t. I wish I had taken healthy eating and exercise more seriously back then, it wouldn’t have left me in the position I am now of needing to get my boobs done at 22 because they have deflated from size DD to a B.
10. Staying in is okay, but don’t make it a habit. If you ask most of my friends or sorority sisters, they’d probably say that I was a grandma. I shamefully was a grandma for majority of college. My weight gain caused some insecurity issues and I felt much more comfortable in bed with Netflix on a Friday night than out in the open where people could judge me on how I looked. Unfortunately I did this every Friday for almost a year. I love alone time, I need it for my mental health, but I also need socialization. In the past few months, I have tried to get back out in the social scene, and have realized that I can be somewhat socially awkward now. I never had that problem growing up. I look back at my college years and regret all the “declines” I made to fun events and sorority socials. I’m slowly working on becoming more social, but it’s hard. Don’t get in the habit, life is too short.
11. Good grades aren’t everything, but getting a proper education is everything. (Sorry mom and dad). While I have to admit in the past 2 years I have made several Dean’s List and have been proud….I have also had some not-so-good semesters. My first two years of college I got involved in several campus organizations. I gained valuable life experience and skills that I have been able to talk about in job interviews. Some of my friends spent their entire college careers studying and it reflected in their high GPA’s, however their list of involvement were very slim. They have struggled in job interviews to come up with answers to situational questions because they didn’t have life experience to answer them. You may be working full-time through college and because of it your grades suffer, but I promise you that it will pay off in a job interview when you are able to pull from your experiences in the workforce. Your GPA may help in the screening process, but life experience and personality will set you apart.
    One thing I have realized over the past year is that there is a distinct educational gap between those that simply entered the workforce right out of high school and those that went to college. It hurts me to see all of these people with incredible potential waiting tables at a local restaurant. I don’t mean to sound harsh, and I am not trying to judge on your life decisions, but education is so important. Don’t make excuses, if you want it, you can get it. Loans are handed out like candy for educational purposes, you might come out of college with thousands in debt, but that college degree will not only help you advance further in society, but the knowledge, skills and abilities you will gain through your college years will help shape you into a well-informed, well-rounded human being.
12. Being domestic doesn’t mean you’re against feminism. Feminism is a very commonly mistaken word in today’s society. It is often viewed as a bad thing. I am here to tell you ladies, if you like having the right to vote and want to be viewed as an equal to your male counterpart, then you are a feminist. However you can believe in women’s rights and want to be a stay-at-home mom, cook dinner and clean the house. In my Women’s Studies class, my professor was this super-feminist lady (I’m talking didn’t shave her armpits because she felt like we only do it to please men). She nearly bit off my head when I told her that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom when I have young children. It is people like her who make people stray away from wanting to be seen as a feminist. If a woman wants to climb the corporate ladder and leave the household duties to her SO, then YOU GO GIRL! But I can believe in the rights we deserve as women, and still want to be a domestic woman, and I shouldn’t be criticized for that.
13. You deserve respect, regardless of the clothes that you’re wearing or the amount of cleavage in your Instagram pic and you shouldn’t allow for anything less. I’ll just leave that there.
14. It’s okay to have different beliefs than your parents. I grew up in a Methodist church and was an active member in choir groups, devotional groups and youth groups. However, I always felt a little out of place. Not saying anything bad about the churches I grew up going to, but the sermons at my church always made me feel horrible for the sins I had committed, not uplifted with the Lord’s love. I was afraid to branch out because of what my family would think, but in college I got the opportunity to go with a friend to her church, and I found a place that uplifted me with the Lord’s love and made me feel okay about being a sinner. I guess part of being a Gen-Y is growing up in a generation that is more accepting of interracial couples and gay marriages. I believe that love is love and that all people believe in happiness. My parents may disagree on my beliefs, but that’s okay. The cool thing is, I am my own person and I am entitled to my own opinions.
15. Getting married young isn’t a divorce sentence. I am not engaged and probably won’t be for several more years, however, I have nothing against young marriages. So many people think that getting married young will lead to divorce. I think this stigma developed due to the fact that young people are more likely to be financially insecure, and financial issues are a common cause for divorces nowadays. However, if you are madly in love with a person and want to get married at the age of 18. Do it. Don’t let the negative words of others fill your head and make you think twice. However, make sure that you have a plan in place for how you are going to support each other financially and emotionally. Make sure that you are mature enough to enter the marriage. For some that’s at the age of 17 for others, that may not be until they are 28. Do what’s right for you and your partner, and only the two of you know when to take that next step.
16. Glamorous weddings are okay, but don’t forget about the marriage. I blame Pinterest for part of this. (Even I have a rather extensive wedding Pinterest board filled with ideas) It is okay to have your dream wedding, but you should be more excited about the man you are spending the rest of your life with than the very pricey 4-hour party you are wanting to have. Weddings are beautiful and I love getting to witness two people who fell madly in love with each other make it official, but so many times I have witnessed friends get lost in wedding madness and forget that with their dream wedding comes a lifelong partner. I’ve even heard someone say “I just want to get married so that I can have my dream wedding.” Marriage is not something to rush into, especially if you’re only wanting it for the party. Marriages are hard work and come with a lot of obligations and commitments. Your time will come. Be patient.
17. Everything will give you cancer, enjoy life. Now I’m not saying to go stock up on cigarettes and become a chain smoker, but if smoking is something you love and you’re okay with the health risks associated with it, then go ahead. I feel like almost every day there is a new article out about another way you can get cancer. For awhile I was super cautious and avoided artificial sweeteners, getting gel nails and drinking out of plastic bottles that I left in the sun. But that caused me to be even more cautious about every choice I made in life and I quickly realized that I was cutting out parts of my life that I enjoyed. I enjoy drinking and smoking hookah occasionally with friends. Yes, these things come with health risks. But if I were to die tomorrow, at least I would have died living a life that I enjoyed. I am not encouraging you to risk your life and do stupid things with blatant risks, but you don’t have to avoid everything due to the minimal risks associated with it.
18. Being jealous of others is okay. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins, and all my life I grew up being told that I shouldn’t be jealous of what others have. But jealousy is a prime motivator in my life. If I see one of my friends doing extremely well in life already, I’m going to be jealous. But it’s also going to cause me to become more motivated to reach that level of accomplishment. Jealousy can be bad if it is taking over your life and causing you unhappiness, but small amounts of jealousy can actually be beneficial. We’re all humans. We are competitive and we want to come out on top, it’s our nature.
19. Faturdays are good for the soul. This one is a lot lighter than majority of my other topics, but it is an important one. I live a food-restricted lifestyle because it is what works best for me. Every now and then though, I love to lay in a bathtub of CFA sauce and have waffle fries thrown into my mouth (not really, but a girl can dream). My one day every few months, where I treat calories like Drew Carey treated points in Whose Line Is It Anyways is something I look forward to and plan out extensively (chicken minis for breakfast, double cheeseburger with fries for lunch, a frapp for snack, etc). My stomach may hate me for a week after, and I may have put on a pound, but those days make me happy.
20. Not having a life plan by the time you graduate is okay. I recently accepted a job in Charlotte, NC and will be moving there in the next few weeks. I have lived in the same city for the past decade (college town probs), so getting out of my comfort zone and moving somewhere 6 hours away is nerve-wracking. I graduated with a Human Resources degree, however I’ve decided to give recruiting a try first. I may be great at it and keep it as a lifelong career, I may be terrible at it and need to reevaluate career options in 6 months. But that is all okay. Post-grad is the perfect time to move to a new city and take on a job that will give you new skills, even if it’s not exactly what you want to be doing in life.
21. Your dream job probably won’t be your first job. My dream job is to be a human resources manager or talent acquisition specialist at Chick-fil-A headquarters in GA. However, this isn’t obtainable for me right out of college. I studied CFA’s compensation and benefits plan in school and fell in love with their core values and business model. I hope to work there one day, but in order to get there, I need experience in the business world. Make sure your expectations are realistic when entering the job market, it will make your first entry level job much more exciting.
22. Do what’s right for you, in every aspect of your life. As mentioned above, I’m moving to Charlotte in a few weeks. I am so nervous yet so excited for this move. It is my time to learn to be independent and meet new people and explore new places. Part of the reason I am moving to NC is that my boyfriend is from a suburb of Charlotte and is stationed in Fort Bragg. My dad wasn’t too thrilled at first with the idea of me wanting to move to Charlotte because of a boy, but I knew that it was the right move for me. I make my decisions based off of what I want. I allow for people to give me input into my decisions, but I don’t allow them to alter my life choices. I want to look back on life and know that every good and bad decision I made were my own decisions. Live your life. Cliche, but seriously. If you have a little extra weight on your body, and love the curves that weight gives you, don’t workout and crash diet because others tell you to. Their opinions and decisions for your life aren’t important. Be happy.

I have boobs

I have eyes. I have elbows. I have fingers. I have toes. I have a vagina. I have a butt. I have arms. I have legs. I have a nose. I have ears. I have a mouth. I have hips.

Now that I have that all out in the open will you stop staring inappropriately? I’m pretty sure your middle school health class taught you the differences between males and females long ago. Yes, women have boobs. Yes, women have butts. Just because we choose to show off these curves, does not mean that we are giving you permission to make us feel uncomfortable. It does not give you permission to make us feel that the only way to keep you from your aggressive staring is to wear clothes two sizes too large to make sure that all of our natural curves are hidden.

Several times over the past few months, it has been brought to my attention that women feel as though they have to dress a certain way in order to avoid being made uncomfortable by the opposite sex.

Newsflash men: crop tops DO NOT mean that a lady is a slut or that she wants to sleep with you. She may have bought that top because it made her feel confident. She may have bought that top because for the past 6 months she has denied herself cake, and wearing a crop top makes her feel proud because she finally has the body that she has worked her butt off for. She may have bought that top because it feels like a sauna outside and she knew that she’d be comfortable in it. She did not buy that top with you in mind. She did not buy that top thinking that it will get her laid on the night she wears it. She did not buy that top so that she would have to leave the dance room at the local bar early because men could not keep their hands off her, even when asked to stop.

I dress for me. I dress in things that make me feel beautiful and confident. The only times I have dressed for someone else is when my boyfriend asks me to wear an outfit that he loves on me. But even then, I originally bought that outfit with me in mind. 

Men, let’s put it this way. Let’s say you’re an Auburn Fan. (WDE). You are completely decked out in Auburn apparel because you love your team. You bought all that clothing for you. Now let’s say that for some reason, your ticket got mixed up with someone else and your new ticket put you smack dab in the middle of the Alabama student section during the Iron Bowl (I know ticket mix-ups don’t really happen, but for hypothetical reasons, just go with it.) How uncomfortable are you in the sea of crimson? How uncomfortable do you feel when people are staring at you with rude smirks on their faces just because of the way you are dressed? How uncomfortable do you feel when Alabama makes a touchdown and their students pour their drinks down your back and spit at you just because of the outfit you chose?  You’re probably wishing that you hadn’t worn so much orange and blue for this game. You’re probably going to leave the game early because you felt so uncomfortable wearing the clothes that you loved. 

This is similar to the feeling women get every day for wearing clothes that they love. It isn’t fair is it?

Do something about it. Stop inappropriately staring and all the unwanted touching. Even if a girl is wearing high waisted shorts that outline every inch of her lady parts, I can almost guarantee that she didn’t put those on with you in mind. Unless you have an actual mental incapability that keeps you from picking up on social cues, you have no excuse to not get when a woman is not into you.  If she does not reciprocate your glances, stop. Move on.

One day, you will find a woman who will return your glances…and maybe one day, she’ll allow you to stare at her boobs and butt, naked, because she is sexy and confident and you make her feel comfortable.

And ladies, if you are dressing for men, stop. Respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, how is a man supposed to?